You’re Pregnant

And other fun stuff you should probably save for after law school

You’re Pregnant
Photo by Hannah Olinger / Unsplash

And other stuff to save for after law school

There are a few things that professors will tell you not to do when you are in law school: don’t get married, don’t have a baby, or don’t rob banks.

Good advice.

At the tender age of 33, I went back to college.

At the University of Arkansas, one of the benefits of attending was free health care. Thanks to the generous Arkansas taxpayers.

One of the riders to that health insurance was that pregnancy was covered.

We already had an 18-month-old girl when I started law school. But my wife wanted two girls, not one. And she wanted them to be about the same distance apart in age as she was from her sister.

Law school is stressful enough so it's a good idea not to add more anxious stuff. So, we decided to have a baby in my second year of law school. I even missed a final exam to welcome our second girl into the world.

Some classmates got married, and others took up heavy drinking.

At the appropriate time, we went to the university health clinic for a pregnancy test.

At the time, when anyone walked into the school's medical clinic, he or she would have been greeted by a life-size Barbie doll staring at sick students like a crazed zombie.

Let me say that again: A life-sized Barbie doll. Well over 6 feet tall.

I understand the point they were trying to make by demonstrating the unhealthy body image Mattel portrays to little girls, but, this Barbie was creepy.

We had a high degree of certainty that my bride was pregnant. But we also had to get the official pregnancy test from the clinic so some insurance officials could make a car or house payment that month.

Several minutes later a young woman sits down in front of us with a stern look on her face.

I could tell she didn’t want to tell us the results of her findings.

Tell us the news, I thought.

“Well,” she began. She was nervous.

“The results are back and, well… Well, um…”

Come on, say it.

“You’re pregnant.”

(Actually, only one of us was…)

But we both breathed a sigh of relief and happiness.

The worker, for a nanosecond, was confused but then sensed our happiness and also breathed a sigh of relief.

“Oh, that is so great.”

She was visibly relieved to see that we were both happy.

I know this kind of news isn’t always met with happiness.

I wouldn’t want her job.

We said thank you to the nice clinic worker and goodbye to the creepy gigantic Barbie. Then we left the clinic and went shopping for diapers and baby clothes.

Subscribe to Mistakes were Made

Don’t miss out on the latest issues. Sign up now to get access to the library of members-only issues.